the first time i saw an airplane
i stretched my arms out and spun
I did not notice the chemtrails, or cross my fingers so it wouldn’t be consumed by fire, or imagine all the people going home from ones they would never see again. Those things didn’t come until later, until after you.
a pinwheel of grey against blue against red
then, laughing, into the green
Your favorite color was green. I see you in every houseplant, whenever I pass the teal house down the street. It used to be my favorite. I showed it to you when you came to visit, and you said you would like to live there, with me.
and the green was a tickle against my neck
and the green faded to nothing
For a long time now, I’ve existed in that nothing. I don’t remember what it was like to feel anything other than that nothing. There was a time before that nothing without you, once. I’d like to go back.
when i woke up with a sore nose, i laughed
because what else could i do?
SACRED QUEER JOY 